


Breathe

by TheDarkStrategist



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Comfort, F/F, Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 12:12:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5584975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDarkStrategist/pseuds/TheDarkStrategist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I've got all these eyes on me and they think I've got all the answers. But I don't. They expect me to lead them against someone who aspires to be a god. How do you fight a god?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathe

Lou leaned against the edge of the balcony, looking at the snow-capped mountains in the distance. Hanging out on the balcony outside of her room had become one of her favorite ways to de-stress whenever she got a free moment away from work. It was blissfully silent, save for the sound of the wind, and the view was calming.

Work had been busy as of late. Unsurprisingly, accepting the role of Inquisitor meant that Lou's responsibilities had doubled. Beforehand, Lou had worked almost exclusively as a field agent. She had gone out and dealt with whatever conflict her advisors had informed her of while they dealt with the more intricate details of the Inquisition. Now that she was the Inquisitor, she was privy to every minute detail that contributed to the operation of the Inquisition. It didn't bother her, per se. Lou was used to being in a leadership position since she had been the First of Clan Lavellan. She just wasn't used to being in charge of so many people. Being the First of her clan had been busy but it was nowhere near as busy as being the Inquisitor for the Inquisition. Instead of being in charge of a group of roughly fifty elves, she was in charge of tending to a diverse group of people that numbered in the thousands. The conflicts between the people within the Inquisition also were typically more heated than the conflicts that had arisen within her clan due to there being so many people with conflicting viewpoints occupying one group. Most days, Lou could handle that stress, but sometimes she needed room to breathe.

Lou's ears twitched as she hear the sound of muffled footfalls behind her. She stood up, her posture all business. Very rarely did anyone enter her private quarters. If they did, it was usually to discuss Inquisition operations.

"Inquisitor?"

Lou turned to face whoever had entered the room and clasped her hands tightly behind her back. Her posture relaxed slightly when she saw who it was.

"Josephine," Lou said, a smile tugging at her lips. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Josephine gestured to the balcony, a sheepish grin on her face. "I was hoping we could discuss some diplomatic issues I seem to have run into, if you don't mind?"

Lou grinned. She and Josephine had been having a lot of these "diplomatic discussions" lately. In reality, these discussion were typically an excuse for Josephine to vent and clear her head. Sometimes they had legitimate discussions about the Inquisition. For the most part though, they were venting sessions for both Josephine and Lou.

"I don't mind at all."

"Are you sure? I would hate to impose--"

Lou rolled her eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you that you aren't imposing before you believe me?"

Josephine giggled. "A few more times, I'm afraid."

Josephine stepped out onto the balcony and gripped the railing with both hands as she stared at the landscape in the distance. Lou could see the gears turning in her head as she tried to decide on what topic she wanted to talk about first.

Lou flattened out the wrinkles in her shirt and attempted to brush away the stubborn strands of hair that were hanging in her face. Her hair was still short but it was starting to grow out and become shaggy, which made it fall in her face at the most inconvenient times.

She went back to leaning on the balcony railing though she consciously moved herself closer to Josephine.

"Hawke has caused quite the commotion since she arrived."

Lou raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Really? She's been keeping to herself ever since she got here. I've seen her in the tavern or with Varric sometimes but past that she seems to sequester herself in her room on the ramparts."

"Oh no, that's not what I meant. Hawke herself has kept out of trouble. It's simply her presence here that's started a commotion."

"Oooh. Because she was so instrumental in the mage rebellion in Kirkwall, right?"

Josephine nodded. "It's made things...tense with some of our allies. Many people view Hawke as a hero for standing up for the mages while others...well..."

"Others see her as a threat. To the templars specifically, I would assume."

"Exactly."

Lou frowned. "Weren't things already tense with those people though? I allied with the mages at Redcliffe."

Josephine bit her lip. "It's hard to explain. Your decision to ally with the mages definitely made some of our allies upset but they view it as a necessary evil. You only allied with them. You didn't say you approved of them rebelling like--"

"Like Hawke did."

"Yes."

Lou sighed. "We're always going to be stepping on someone's toes, aren't we?"

"Unfortunately," Josephine said exasperatedly. "That's why it's my job to make sure we step on as few toes as possible. Or if we do step on any, I'm in charge of minimizing the damage."

Lou nudged Josephine with her shoulder affectionately. "I know I've said this before but I truly do appreciate all the work you do for the Inquisition."

Josephine bowed her head slightly, a light blush dusting across her cheeks. "Why thank you, Inquisitor. I also appreciate the work you do."

Lou chuckled. "Ah, yes. Truly my bumbling across Thedas is worthy of praise."

Josephine scowled, which wasn't something she did often. She lightly smacked Lou on the arm in disapproval. "You give yourself too little credit. We wouldn't even _be here_ if it weren't for you."

Lou knew that Josephine was referring to her actions at Haven. She had given the Inquisition time to get out of Haven when Corypheus attacked. She had confronted him--whatever  _he_ was--and lived to tell the tale. She knew that she should be proud of herself. She had protected as many people as she could and sent Corypheus packing. Despite knowing all this, she just couldn't feel any pride for her actions. They'd still lost people at Haven. Hell, they had lost  _Haven_ entirely. Lou had replayed the situation over and over again in her head, wondering if she could have done anything differently. Something that could've minimized casualties or--

"Inquisitor?  _Lou? Lou!_ "

Hearing her name being called pulled Lou out of her thoughts. She shook her head in an attempt to clear the fog that had clouded her mind and caused her to lose focus on the conversation at hand.

"I'm...I'm sorry, Josephine. You were saying something, correct?"

Josephine's brow knit in concern and she rested a hand on Lou's back. "Are you alright?"

Lou let out a shaky laugh. "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

Josephine frowned. "You're certain you're fine? Your face--"

"My face?"

"Your brow was scrunched and your eyes...you looked like you were going to start crying." Josephine paused and started rubbing small circles into Lou's back. "You still do."

Lou was tempted to deflect Josephine's concern with humor like she always did when a subject suddenly got too personal or when she was close to breaking down. She'd been taught her entire life that she was going to have to be strong for her people, even if on the inside she was crumbling. Before she'd joined the Inquisition, her sole confidant had been her brother Vaan. After she'd joined, she'd had no one to confide in.

She'd been going through all of this  _alone_.

There hadn't been anyone within the Inquisition she had felt close enough to confide in. Dorian was quickly becoming a friend she could rely on and so was Josephine. Maybe, just maybe, she could confide in them.

So, instead of crushing her feelings under her heel like she usually did, she let it out. She let it all out.

It started out calmly enough. Lou aired out her fears about being the Inquisitor and all the responsibilities that came with the position. Then she started talking about Haven and that's when the tears started falling. She'd wiped at her eyes and tried to even out her breathing but she just _couldn't_. The flood gates had been open and Lou didn't know how to close them.

Josephine was understanding throughout all of it. She didn't run away, didn't awkwardly pat her on the back and tell her everything was peachy. She just listened and gave reassurance when it was needed.

After a few minutes, Lou's tears began to dissipate and she took a couple of deep breaths to steady her breathing. She brought her sleeve up to her face to wipe it, but Josephine stopped her and gave her a handkerchief to use instead.

"T-Thank you," Lou finally managed to say. "I'm _so, so_ sorry. I didn't mean to fall apart on you. I just--"

"It's fine," Josephine said gently.

"No, it wasn't. I shouldn't have just dumped all my feelings on--"

" _It's fine_  ," Josephine said with a bit more force.

"I...ok, ok."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I don't know. I guess I was afraid of being a burden to everyone." Lou sighed and rubbed tiredly at her face. "Everyone here looks up to me. They expect me to know what our next plan of action is. Because if I don't know, then who does? I'm supposed to be leading them against someone who aspires to be a god. How do you fight a  _god_ , Josephine?"

Josephine was silent.

"I've got all these eyes on me and they think I've got the answers. But I don't. I'm just as confused and scared as they are. And I don't like feeling like this. I feel like I've got no control over what's going on and it's driving me crazy."

"We're all scared," Josephine said. "I promise that you aren't the only one. And believe me, I understand what you mean. Leliana, Cullen, and I share the burden of responsibility just like you. You aren't alone in this. Please, rely on us. We are your advisors for a reason."

"I know. I-I will."

Lou and Josephine stood there in comfortable silence, watching the sunset behind the mountains and letting the wind whip across their face. Cautiously, Lou threw an appreciative arm around Josephine's shoulder.

"Again, thank you. You didn't have to listen to all that but you did. Just know, if you need to have a break down like I did, I'm here for you, Josie--I mean, Josephine."

Josephine politely did not bring attention to Lou's slip of the tongue. "Don't mention it. And I may take you up on the offer." Josephine looked at the horizon to get an idea of what time it was. "How does after dinner sound?"

"Perfect."


End file.
